


Don't Have Sex Because You Will Get Pregnant...And Die

by jadore_hale



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Established Relationship, First Time, Jock Derek, M/M, Nerd Stiles, Oblivious Stiles, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-02 15:31:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11512263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadore_hale/pseuds/jadore_hale
Summary: “I’m your best friend! Why wouldn’t you tell me that you’re planning on losing your virginity this Friday?”Stiles choked. No, heactuallychoked. A cheeto went down the wrong pipe, lodging itself in his throat, and he pounded on his chest, coughing and hacking to get it out. Because death by artificially powdered orange stick? No, sir. Not today.“What the hell, Scott,” Stiles wheezed, inhaling and exhaling sharply. “Where in ‘watching Netflix and ordering pizza’ did you get that I’m losing my virginity?”“How do you still not get Netflix and Chill?!” Scott slapped a palm over his face then thumped his head down onto the desk.





	Don't Have Sex Because You Will Get Pregnant...And Die

**Author's Note:**

  * For [electricteatime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/electricteatime/gifts).



> For Sterek Summer Exchange! 
> 
> Was in the mood to write some quick sex ed teenage awkwardness.
> 
> Not mpreg. Just love mean girls.

Really, the best thing to ever happen to Beacon Hills High School was Stiles Stilinski. He was a star pupil. The very best in his class. Student of the Month year round. On the fast track to Harvard. And outshined all the other kids in his class with his pure awesomeness on a daily basis to the point where it was _downright embarrassing._ He didn’t want to jinx it but he was pretty much a shoo-in for valedictorian. Sorry, Lydia Martin! And he never caused any trouble at all. Not ever.

“DETENTION AGAIN, MR. STILINSKI!”

Did he mention he was every teacher’s darling?

Stiles stood at his locker after the last bell and frowned down at the all too familiar pink slip in his hand, questioning why the world was so unfair. Sure, most of these infractions were one-hundred percent his own doing, but in his defense, Harris had made two very implausible and inaccurate statements in the same class period, basically begging Stiles to make a mockery out of him in front of everyone. Stiles just hoped Harvard recognized what a scholarly and academically enriching extra-curricular activity detention could be.

“Seriously, another one?” A voice behind him said. A voice that Stiles _had not_ been expecting, seeing as he was the only one left in the hall. The voice also sounded highly amused when Stiles jumped and shrieked then whirled around in surprise.

“Jeez!” Stiles said, clutching his heart. “Can we make noises before we scare people to death? Heavy breathing! Tap dancing! Anything would be great!”

There wasn’t an ounce of guilt on Derek’s ridiculously handsome face and Stiles couldn’t even pretend to stay mad. He should be used to this by now. Derek liked to sneak up on him when he least expected it all the time. Which made sense seeing as he was Derek’s concubine. Sneaking around just happened to be a very essential part of their deep dark secret relationship.

The halls were empty but Stiles still checked to make sure they were safe. It was too risky if anyone saw them. Derek was the super popular basketball god and his social status would perish if he were to be associated with Stiles, the school’s biggest loser. Some would even liken it to the fall of Rome.

“Don’t you have practice?” Stiles asked, letting Derek press him up against the lockers anyway, his arms hanging loosely around Derek’s neck.

“I can skip it,” Derek murmured, nibbling on his ear.

“But it’s tryouts and you’re co-captain,” Stiles noted.

Derek lifted his head at that, pursing his lips. “You know, I’ve been meaning to quit basketball.”

Stiles leveled him a flat look. “You are not quitting basketball just so you can make out with me.”

“Why not?” Derek pouted, brushing the tips of their noses together. “I’ve decided that this is a much better use of my time.”

Stiles stopped arguing when Derek kissed him, easily persuaded by the softness of Derek’s mouth and the enticing feel of his rough stubble. It was startling how fast their kissing escalated these days. How they’d gone from modest and tame to something a lot more passionate and hungry. Stiles moaned when Derek deepened the kiss and slipped fingers under the hem of his shirt, his thumb rubbing circles into Stiles’ hipbone.

They weren’t supposed to still be doing this. When they hooked up at that party at the end of sophomore year, they’d agreed that it would only be for the summer and that they’d put an end to it once the school year started. But now, it was mid-November and they continued to be hot and heavy, which would only make things harder in the end when it was time to walk away.

“Hey! We talked about this!” Stiles squirmed when Derek started sucking on his neck. Something that would usually have Stiles rolling his eyes back into his head and melting into puddles on the floor. “No more hickeys. I can’t keep wearing scarves around my dad. He won’t stop laughing at me.”

Derek chuckled but caught his lips again, making Stiles forget about the scolding as he slipped closer and rolled his hips, wrenching a gasp from Stiles’ throat as they grinded against each other. A major situation was going down in Stiles’ pants and he needed to stop this before he made an absolute fool of himself.

“I’ve got detention,” Stiles said hoarsely and pulled away, shifting and adjusting himself to hide just how turned on he was. He spun back to his locker in a daze, grabbing his backpack and closed it as he ran his tongue over his swollen puffy lips.

When he was about to kiss Derek goodbye and leave, Derek stopped him and said, “Wait, I almost forgot why I came over here. What are you doing Friday night?”

“What I’m usually doing on Friday nights,” Stiles told him. “A whole lot of nothing.”

“Wanna come to my house and order pizza and watch Netflix or something?”

Stiles arched a brow. While they saw each other all the time, their version of hanging out usually meant making out in the back of Derek’s Camaro, or at the park, or behind the bleachers after a game, or in the boiler room after school. But going over to each other’s houses? Well…that was new.

“Er…um…” Stiles stumbled, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. “Okay, I guess. Yeah. Sounds cool.”

“Really?” Derek’s eyes lit up with excitement, which made Stiles feel so much more at ease. Gauging from Derek’s reaction, it sounded like Derek had really wanted him to say yes, so maybe it wouldn’t be _that_ weird.

Stiles nodded, smirking. “Yeah. Now that I think about it, I haven’t gotten around to asking about your TV tastes yet. It’ll be nice to get a peek at your Recently Watched.”

Derek scrunched his nose. “That’s a terrible innuendo.”

“That’s because it wasn’t an innuendo, you perv!” Stiles punched him in the shoulder.

“We’ll probably have the house to ourselves,” Derek mentioned. “Talia has her usual Friday night séance, and Reuben’s shaman invited him over for song and dance. And my little sister, Cora, won’t be home either. She’s organizing a legalize marijuana protest with a few other kids.”

“Talia and Reuben?” Stiles squinted his eyes.

“Those are my parents. We call them by their first names,” Derek explained. “My family is um…very liberal.”

“Sounds cool,” Stiles said and hummed when Derek kissed him again. “Hey, I thought I told you to scram. Go to practice, dude!”

“I’m going! I’m going!” Derek raised both his hands in the air in surrender then leaned over and dropped a peck on Stiles’ cheek before taking off down the hall.

Stiles watched him go, laughing, then hastily wiped the smile off his face when he heard other stragglers entering the hall. He slung his heavy backpack over his shoulder and began the grueling trek to the detention room to see what misery awaited him inside. However, when he entered the room, he was relieved to see Scott’s smiling face amongst the sea of infidels.

“I see you and Derek are still going at it,” Scott said as Stiles made his way to the back row and flopped down next to him.

Stiles scoffed. “You didn’t even see anything.”

“Hickey.” Scott pointed to a spot on Stiles’ neck.

“Goddammit!” Stiles smacked a hand over it. Looks like he couldn’t yet retire the scarves.

“Hey, you doing anything Friday night?” Scott asked. “If my mom doesn’t totally ground me after detention today by doing the whole ‘No More Stiles’ thing, you should come over and we can watch Netflix and order pizza.”

“Sorry, dude, can’t.” Stiles was getting out his small detention feast, which comprised of a bag of Cheetos, a pack Twizzlers, and a Capri-Sun. Being a delinquent never tasted so good. “I’m doing that with Derek.”

“WHAT?!”

His gaze snapped over to Scott and he furrowed his brows. “Derek invited me over to his house on Friday.”

“To do what?!”

“Order pizza…” Stiles said slower this time so that Scott would get it and wouldn’t interrupt his meal to ask Stiles to repeat himself again. “…And watch Netflix.”

Scott gaped. “What the fuck, dude!”

“What?” Stiles huffed and picked up his bag of Cheetos, ripping them open.He couldn’t wait anymore. He hadn’t eaten much at lunch since it was Baked Chicken Tuesday and school cafeteria chicken was _the worst_. His stomach was growling, his blood sugar was low, and he _needed_ this cheesy goodness.

“I’m your best friend! Why wouldn’t you tell me that you’re planning on losing your virginity this Friday?”

Stiles choked. No, he _actually_ choked. A Cheeto went down the wrong pipe, lodging itself in his throat, and he pounded on his chest, coughing and hacking to get it out. Because death by artificially powdered orange stick? No, sir. Not today.

“What the hell, Scott,” Stiles wheezed, inhaling and exhaling sharply. “Where in ‘watching Netflix and ordering pizza’ did you get that I’m losing my virginity?”

“How do you still not get Netflix and Chill?!” Scott slapped a palm over his face then thumped his head down onto the desk.

Stiles took a sip of his Capri-Sun, in dire need of it after his near-death experience. “Maybe I need a better dictionary, but didn’t you _just_ ask me over for pizza and Netflix. Does that mean you want to have sex with me too?”

“We’re best friends, so the rule doesn’t apply. But when I’m with Allison we never pay attention to the TV. And Derek isn’t your friend. He’s your…”

“Lord Knows,” Stiles supplied helpfully.

“And you and your Lord Knows are going to be laid out horizontally on the couch doing the do on Friday. Congratulations, brother!”

Scott lifted a hand for a high-five but Stiles waved him off dismissively. “That’s so dumb. We’re not doing that.”

“Are you sure?” Scott questioned.

Okay, so maybe he’d been thinking about _it_ a lot lately. And by _it_ , he meant losing his virginity. To Derek. Last year he’d been in such a rush to get rid of it, feeling like he was lagging behind his other classmates, even Scott. But the thing about him and Derek was that he really didn’t know what they were. Making out and sneaking around was fun but Stiles was at a real risk of getting his heart broken here. He knew Derek had already had sex before, with Paige or Kate and whoever. He knew that it wouldn’t be as big of a deal for him as it was for Stiles. But then again, he also _really_ liked Derek and wasn’t able to picture being that way with anyone but him.

“Just make sure you bring condoms.” Scott winked at him. “We wouldn’t want you getting pregnant, right?”

“Ha. Ha.” Stiles rolled his eyes, cursing whoever told Scott that he was even a little bit funny.

* * *

 

Stiles spent the rest of the day thinking about sex. Which was really unfortunate when it came time for dinner with his dad later that night. He was being uncharacteristically quiet which was always cause for concern in the Stilinski household. He hadn’t even tried to nag his dad when he ignored the healthy and nutritious Brussel sprouts Stiles had made for him. He knew he should probably start acting chatty before his dad started in on the interrogations and began asking all these deeply personal and probing questions. But there was just so much on his mind.

“You know we can turn the heat up if you’re really that cold,” the Sheriff commented, gesturing towards the Slytherin-themed scarf tightly wound around Stiles’ neck.

“I’m thinking about having sex,” Stiles blurted, cheeks turning red as he stared down at his dinner plate and refused to look up.

“Oh,” the Sheriff said smoothly. “Is that what the scarves are about?”

“I’ve been covering up hickeys.” Stiles chanced a peek at him and tugged off the scarf, exposing the faint bruises littering his neck.

His dad’s eyes widened, mouth falling open. “Who is this girl?”

“Guy.”

The Sheriff snorted disbelievingly at first, rejecting the idea. But when he saw Stiles blinking back at him with a dead serious expression, his face sobered instantly.

“Wait. Really?”

A simple nod from Stiles seemed to settle the issue. His dad sank back in his chair as he soaked that information in then picked up his fork and popped a Brussel sprout into his mouth, blanching. And just like that, the moment had passed with no big deals made. Which was awesome. When people asked him later in life how he came out to his dad, it was nice that he had this experience to share.

“What’s his name?” the Sheriff probed.

“Not telling you. Ever,” Stiles replied.

“How long have you been seeing him?”

“Since the summer.”

“And you’re ready to…” The Sheriff did something with his hands that didn’t look too representative of sex but more like he was conducting traffic.

“Yeah. I am.”

A corner of the Sheriff’s mouth quirked. “Are you gonna wear the scarves?”

As if now was the time for awful dad jokes.

“Oh my god! Would you forget about the scarf and give me some real pieces of fatherly advice!”

“What do you want from me? The birds and the bees? Do you really want me to have the awkward safe sex talk with you? I know how you like to research things. You’ve probably got that covered”

“Oh. Trust me. I do,” Stiles assured.

“Then all I have to say is that this is one of those things that you won’t know about until you experience it. You know my first time was with your mother and we—”

“Oh no! I don’t think I’ve ever want to hear about this!” Stiles quickly covered his ears.

“Then the only thing I’ve got to say is just be yourself.”

“I could’ve gotten that off the back of a box of Frosted Flakes, Dad!”

“I’m serious. You can’t be passive in something like this. Make sure you and this kid know where you both stand in your relationship and try not to step over each other’s boundaries.”

It was exactly the kind of advice that Stiles had been wanting to hear. Because he _didn’t_ know where his and Derek’s relationship stood or if there was even a relationship between them to begin with. That was something he was going to have to be brave enough to find out. But Stiles was so ready for this. He was sure of that. Like his dad said, he just needed to be himself.

“Can you give me a heads up before it happens?” the Sheriff asked.

Stiles chewed on his bottom lip. “It’s happening this Friday.”

Inhaling deeply, The Sheriff took out his wallet from his pants pocket and pulled out a couple of bills, handing them over to Stiles. “Here,” he said. “To get the stuff on that list you’ve probably already made.”

“It’s not that long of a list,” Stiles told him, counting the bills and finding it to be way too much.

His dad shook his head. “Keep it anyway.”

Stiles smiled and reached out, squeezing his hand, happy that he’d come to his dad for this and that he hadn’t been disappointed. He knew most parents wouldn’t as cool about it but it was nice that his dad respected his choice and trusted Stiles to be safe.

“Well, now I feel so damn old,” the Sheriff whined, picking out the rest of his Brussel sprouts from his plate and pushing them to the side like a toddler. Stiles would indulge him just this once, but tomorrow there would be _kale_ to pay for this. “You’re growing up too fast for me! Stop it!”

Stiles stood and walked around to give the old geezer a tight comforting hug. “Thanks, Dad. You’re the best.”

* * *

The week was flying by much faster than Stiles would’ve liked and with Friday quickly approaching, Stiles still had lots to do to prepare. Like, for instance, learning how to properly use a condom. Luckily for him, Coach Finstock would be teaching them how to roll one onto a banana in Health today. But what if Derek’s dick wasn’t banana shaped? Should he try practicing on other household fruits and vegetables just in case?

Being so preoccupied, Stiles had barely even gotten a chance to see a lot of Derek. He’d caught a few glimpses of him in the halls here and there, but they couldn’t acknowledge each other when there were too many people around. Stiles couldn’t lie; he was starting to miss him. Maybe he’d try tracking Derek down after Health. That is if he ever made it to Health because, _like always_ , he was running super late to class.

Stiles sprinted down the empty halls, perilously close to tripping over his loose shoelaces, and veered around a corner with Coach Finstock’s room very much in sight. He paused to catch his breath, taking deep puffs of air in and out of his lungs, but before he could start jogging again, he was suddenly accosted.

“Holy shit!” Stiles squawked as Derek yanked him into an empty classroom. “What the fuck, dude! I thought I was being kidnapped!”

“You are.” Derek’s lips crashed down onto his and he crowded Stiles back against the door. “Wanna skip this period?”

“C—Can’t,” Stiles panted, shuddering as Derek’s teeth ran along his collarbone. “I’m late to Health and I don’t want to fall behind.”

“Coach won’t fail you,” Derek said and dropped a kiss on Stiles’ lips again before pulling away with a smirk. “And neither will I. Have a seat, Mr. Stilinski. Let’s go over today’s lesson.”

Snickering, Stiles walked over to a desk and sat, folding his hands in his lap and watching Derek attentively like the perfect student that he was.

Derek stood in front of the board and pulled down the world map. Picking up a wooden pointer, he cleared his throat and began indicating at random countries as he recited, “Sons of Scottland! I am William Wallace! He kills men by the hundreds. And if _he_ were here, he'd consume the English with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse!”

“Oh my god.” Stiles pressed a hand over his eyes, marveling at Derek’s perfect rendition of Coach Finstock. He was rather curious as to how Derek had managed to memorize all the lines from Braveheart.

“I see a whole army of my countrymen, here in defiance of tyranny! You've come to fight as free men and free men you are! What will you do with that freedom? Will you fight?”

“Please stop,” Stiles begged, unable to withstand such a high quantity of dorkiness. He smiled fondly as Derek rolled the map back up and picked up a piece of chalk to write on the board. “You know, you should never become a teacher. You’re so hot, everyone would be too distracted to pay attention.”

“Good thing I’m going to be an architect,” Derek told him as he drew a heart with their initials.

“What are you doing? You can’t draw that!”

“Why not?” Derek paused, looking over at him with a deep frown.

“Because!” Stiles huffed.

He stood and walked over, hastily grabbing an eraser and thoroughly buffing out any evidence of them ever being there. Derek should know better than to be so reckless. This was not the time to be risking exposure.

“Um...” Stiles chewed on his bottom lip as Derek peered closely at him. “I’ve really got to get to class and hit the books. I’ve got this project thing that’s worth most of my final grade.”

“Okay,” Derek said, although his face was marked with displeasure. “I’ll see you after school, then.”

“No, I don’t have detention today.”

“But you always have detention.”

“I’ve been on my best behavior lately.”

Derek snorted. “Even your best behavior isn’t good behavior.”

“Yeah, well, my thing,” Stiles said looking up at the clock. If he didn’t hustle, he was going to miss his only chance to wrestle a latex condom around a botanical fruit in the name of Beacon Hills High School’s stellar sexual education curriculum.

“Right, the thing…” Derek murmured.

“Yeah…” Stiles fidgeted, waiting on Derek to say something so that they weren’t just standing there looking at each other awkwardly. But Derek wouldn’t throw him a bone.

“Err…Okay…” Stiles waved and tripped backwards towards the door in a hurry. “Gotta go now. Bye!”

* * *

It was weird, but after that uncomfortable situation in the classroom, Stiles didn’t really hear much from Derek over the next couple of days. Which was definitely worrying. Derek said he was fine over text but Stiles could tell something was off. In fact, Stiles had been pretty pessimistic about the whole thing, positive Derek would cancel on him until he got a text from Derek on Friday after school with an address.

Rolling up to Derek’s place later that night in his jeep, Stiles was surprised to discover that Derek lived out in the middle of the woods. The area was isolated but it was quiet and peaceful and one could really connect with nature out there. But for Stiles who basically hated nature and _its bugs_ , the short walk from his car to the porch had him on high alert and scared for his life.

Nervously, Stiles rang Derek’s doorbell, eyes swinging around his surroundings in case an animal hopped out to attack him. He rang the bell again and shot Derek a text when a while had passed with no sign of anyone coming to answer the door. His hopes started getting crushed as more time passed with him standing out there alone in the dark. Maybe Derek just wasn’t home yet, or maybe he’d forgotten, or decided to ditch their plans last minute.

Regardless, Stiles wasn’t about to stand on Derek’s door step looking pathetic all night. With a dejected sigh, he turned to start down the stairs but froze when he heard odd rustling coming from a bush. This was the perfect place for a murder. It was so deserted out there that no one would hear his screams. But that didn’t stop Stiles from shrieking his fucking head off when something roared and sprang out from the bushes.

“Jesus Christ, Derek! What the fuck is the matter with you!!”

“Fuck yes!!!” Derek cackled and pumped a fist in the air victoriously. “I’ve been hiding in there for half an hour waiting to do that!”

“Why can’t you just say hello like a civilized being?” Stiles scowled.

Derek smirked, tugging Stiles towards him and planting a kiss on his mouth. “Hello, and welcome to my humble abode. By the way, there’s a giant spider on your shoulder.”

And for the second time that night, Stiles was shrieking at the top of his lungs. Derek, the asshole, didn’t even try to help him. He just disappeared through the front door, leaving Stiles to flail around in panic by himself. Stiles bravely flicked the spider off and followed Derek into the house quickly before he was subjected to another wilderness attacks.

Once safely inside, Stiles toed off his shoes and handed Derek his jacket, hesitantly looking around. Derek’s home was certainly not the traditional kind that Stiles had been expecting. A few words to describe the decor was trippy, psychedelic, and 1960’s bohemian. There were tons of vibrant colors, eclectic art, and beautiful tapestries.

Derek took his hand, lacing their fingers together, and led them into the living room. He had a mischievous smile on his face that instantly made Stiles suspicious. But all Stiles needed to do was walk into the room to understand why, and he immediately busted out laughing.

“Dude! You built a fort?!” Stiles’ jaw actually dropped.

“I told you! I want to be an architect!”

“Well, it’s very well made.” Stiles grinned, admiring the structure of the epic blanket fort Derek had built and decorated with lots of pillows and pretty string lights.

“Want a tour of the rest of the house?” Derek asked him.

“Sure!”

Stiles was curious if Derek had ever invited other people from school to his house and shown them all the hippie stuff his family was into. Not that Derek should be embarrassed of his family. Like at all. They raised chickens and grew their own organic vegetables, pushed to legalize marijuana and had no qualms about nudity. They also had an impressive compost pile and were clearly determined to save the planet. It sounded like an awesome way to grow up, and more importantly, Stiles was glad that Derek was sharing and that he was getting to see this other side of him.

“And this is my stash,” Derek said as they settled again under the fort in the living room. He shoved a large duffle bag that had the Beacon Hills High logo on it towards Stiles. “Talia has us on a strict raw food diet since before I can even remember. No processed foods allowed in the house ever. I can eat whatever I want outside but I’m still a vegetarian. I just have a rotten sweet tooth which means I have to sneak snacks into this hell hole. Now, I don’t share this with just anyone, so know that means you’re special.”

Stiles' entire face flushed in slight embarrassment. Honestly, he didn’t need buttering up. He was an easy lay and would put out without the sweet talk. Gripping a fistful of Derek’s sweatshirt, Stiles practically hauled him in, clambering into his lap and straddling his hips. He gave a rather instigating kiss, not wanting to beat around the bush about what they were there for.

Derek seemed super into it at first, returning Stiles’ kiss with fervor, trailing his hands along Stiles’ side, and releasing deep rumbles from his chest. But then he pulled away and plopped Stiles off to the side which was the total opposite of what Stiles wanted. This was definitely throwing a wrench in his plans.

“So, what do you want to watch?” Derek asked, glancing at Stiles expectantly as he grabbed his laptop and logged into Netflix.

Seemed like Derek was playing hard to get. Either that or he was purposely being obtuse. They ended up watching the pilot of _Brooklyn Nine-Nine_. Derek had never seen it before and Stiles loved introducing people to his favorite shows, living vicariously through them upon their first viewing. He’d definitely consider it a kink and was having way too much fun observing Derek’s reactions.

Once they were finished with that, Stiles went through some other shows Derek typically watched. It was mainly procedural dramas; boring stuff like _CSI_ , _Law & Order_ and _House_. Stiles ribbed Derek about his ‘guilty pleasure’ of watching _Crazy Ex-Girlfriends_ for ten whole minutes but after being forced to watch the first episode, Stiles was instantly hooked himself.

However, when Derek decided to let the second episode play, Stiles had to admit he was a little confused. While it was fun just lying there munching on Derek’s super-secret snacks and introducing each other to new TV shows, he couldn’t help but wonder when they were finally going to ditch the clothes and fast-forward to the naked sexy times. Fed up with waiting, he scooted closer to Derek, awkwardly placing a hand on his knee hoping that Derek, the only one with experience in this department here, would get the hint and pioneer this ship. _Oh captain, my captain!_

Not surprisingly, the good old, trusty hand-on-the-thigh-trick worked. Derek paused the show and leaned in, placing the lightest of kisses onto Stiles’ lips with a bright smile. Then he turned his attention back to the computer, paying Stiles’ horniness no mind and doing nothing else.

Stiles wiped his sweaty palms against the legs of his jeans. He wasn’t sure what to do now. In all his detailed preparations, he never consulted a how-to guide on ways to subtly signal that you were totally down for sex. He knew Derek wasn’t asexual; they’d talked about it once. Maybe he just didn’t find Stiles hot. Which was a bummer because Stiles was insanely attracted to him.

“What's wrong?”

Stiles snapped his eyes up from where he’d been fiddling his fingers in his lap. He pasted on a chipper smile and rapidly said, “Nothing.”

The lines on Derek’s forehead creased and he paused the show again, readjusting himself to get a better look at Stiles straightforward. “You mean, you've been acting weird all week because of _nothing_?”

“No.” Stiles stammered, unsure of what to say. “Yes?”

Derek’s face darkened and Stiles felt his heart sinking in his chest. God, this was all his fault. Why was he so damn awkward!

“C’mon. Let's watch something else,” he tried and reached for the computer, but before he could, Derek was snapping it shut.

Stiles cringed internally as tensions mounted in the room. He couldn’t believe how badly he was messing this up. Did he really need to spill his dumb feelings all over the place and ruin _everything_? He had no idea what to say to fix this.

“You know…” Derek started with an unhappy sigh. “You can tell me if you don't want to keep doing this. If you’re not that into me anymore or if it’s gotten too boring. I can take it.”

“W—What do you mean?” Stiles struggled to find his words. “I— I don’t— Why would you think—I…I—”

“Well, you’re obviously embarrassed of me,” Derek stated. “I get it. I’m a dumb jock and you don’t want to be seen around me because of all your smart friend. It’s why we have to do all this sneaking around and why you never want anyone to see us at school. But Stiles, I can’t help that I’m popular and captain of the basketball team.”

“ _Woah_ , wait a minute…” Stiles stood up, clenching his jaw. “ _I’m_ the one that never wants us to be seen? _I’m_ the one that’s too embarrassed to introduce you to my friends? Oh, that's fucking rich! Because _I'm_ always pulling you into empty classrooms and walking right past you in halls! And _I'm_ definitely the one that invited you over here to _‘hang out and watch Netflix’_ when I actually meant sex!”

How dare Derek try to make it seem like this was what Stiles wanted. “You know what, I’m so out of here! I really thought I wanted my first time to be with you, but clearly, we’re not on the same page. So let me spell it out for you. I want a relationship thing, not a fuck buddies thing! I’m sorry but I can’t be your dirty little secret anymore!”

Without looking back, Stiles stormed off towards the front door and hastily collected his things. He searched all his pockets for his car keys and jammed his feet into his shoes. He was determined not to get emotional in front of Derek. He wanted to go out like a badass.

Stiles twisted the knob to the front door and opened it, but before he could leave, Derek skidded into the foyer, his socks slippery against the hardwood floor, and slammed it closed.

The bastard grinned as he tried to pull Stiles against him, wrapping an arm around Stiles’ waist and holding him tightly. “Hey, Stiles,” he chuckled. “Did we just have our first fight?”

“Let go of me, asswipe!” Stiles cried, shoving him off. He didn’t want Derek and his douchiness touching him right now. “You're a fuckboy.”

“If you say so.” Derek shrugged and peered at Stiles inquisitively. “Where'd you get the idea that I only invited you over here tonight to have sex with you?”

Stiles dropped his gaze down to his shoes and he mumbled, “Scott said—”

Derek scoffed. “You still listen to Scott?”

“Yes, he's my best friend,” Stiles defended.

“He’s also a moron!” Derek heaved. “You’ve should’ve just come and talked to me first because Scott doesn’t know anything. We’re already in a ‘relationship thing’, Stiles. Or at least, I thought so…”

Stiles peeked up at Derek then, chewing on his bottom lip. Right away, Derek took that as a good sign and stepped closer, taking advantage of the small window and pressing a kiss to Stiles’ forehead.

“I wouldn’t have invited you over if you weren’t important to me. I never invite anyone over because my parents are deranged, but I wanted to spend time with my boyfriend. I like spending time with him even though he talks too much for it to be normal and we should definitely get his head checked.”

Derek tapped his temple and laughed when Stiles swatted his hand away. His emotions had betrayed him and he felt his anger thawing, now being replaced by silly butterflies in his stomach at the mention of the word _boyfriend_. Giving up the act, he buried his face into Derek’s neck and clung to him now that all was forgiven.

Derek cleared his throat, murmuring into Stiles’ ear, “I’d be lying if I said sex hasn’t crossed my mind…You’re kind of gorgeous. But it’s not the most important thing to me right now and only when you’re ready.”

Stiles shuffled even closer and nuzzled deeper into Derek’s neck, immensely pleased when Derek’s arms locked around him. Not a lot of people got to say they had first boyfriends like Derek. Sweet, cuddly, pretty boys that built cute forts and watched romantic musical comedy dramas and were completely oblivious to blatant signs of wanting to initiate sex. But Stiles would never take this for granted.

“I wouldn’t play with your feelings or send you coded messages. So when I invite you over to watch Netflix, it’s because I really just want to watch Netflix with you. So…say something.”

Stiles lifted his head and stared into Derek’s breathtaking eyes. Inhaling deeply, he confessed, “All I've been thinking about this week is your dick.”

Derek fought a smirk. “Oh?

“And doing things to you that would probably get me arrested.”

“I won't call the sheriff if you won't.” Derek winked.

Stiles snickered, fluttering his lashes coyly. “How long do we have until your parents get back?”

“Séances can be lengthy,” Derek quipped. “Spirits are hard to get a hold of.”

“Good.” Stiles grinned and leaned in, humming happily when he pressed his lips to Derek’s once more. “That gives us plenty of time.”

When people asked him later in life how he’d lost his virginity, it was nice that he could say, _“Under a blanket fort in Derek Hale’s living room while his parents were out."_ He’d tell them that it wasn’t weird or awkward at all. That Derek had shown him exactly what to do and had made him feel really good. That he knew he was loved. Special. And most importantly, that he’d followed his dad’s advice and hadn’t been passive in this. He knew where they both stood and knew they had a promising future together.

“Oh my god, I did it! I finally did it! I cannot believe this! Dude, I just had _sex!!_ ”

“Yes, Stiles, I’m aware,” Derek said dryly as he balled Stiles’ shirt up and tossed it over to him, whacking him in the face. “I was there, remember? You didn’t do this alone.”

“Shh!” Stiles chided as he finished buttoning his pants, pulling the shirt over his head. “This is about me right now. Don’t ruin this for me!”

“Oh, Derek, honey suckle,” A sweet feminine voice called out. It was a lovely voice, so homely and nurturing and, motherly…and _shit_ that must mean Derek’s parents were back.

 _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ This was in no way the circumstance that Stiles had wished to meet his very first boyfriend’s parents in. Especially not after they’d… _Fuck!_ Stiles scrambled back into the fort, frantically checking that he’d dressed himself okay and that nothing was on backwards or unzipped. He was pretty sure that most parents had x-ray vision. At least his dad did which was why Stiles could never get away with anything. What if Derek’s parents saw the sex on him or something and it ruined his chances forever to make a good first impression.

Stiles didn’t take a single breath the entire time they heard footsteps approaching the entrance of the fort. Then he realized foolishly that while he was dressed perfectly fine, Derek had yet to put a shirt on. He was just about to say something to Derek, groping around for where Derek’s shirt could be when Derek just rolled out from under the fort and stood up to greet his parents _half-fucking-naked_.

It wouldn’t take much for Derek’s parents to put two-and-two together if Stiles got out of the fort now, so he resigned himself to living there in hiding forever. Fucking Derek. Why did he have to be so _brazen?_

“Talia,” he heard Derek greeting his mother which, yeah, was a little weird. Stiles knew he could never his dad onboard with the whole calling your parents by their first names thing.

“What’s this, Derek?” Talia asked, her voice so whimsical and airy. “How lovely! I see you’ve been letting out your inner creative!”

He heard Derek snort before asking, “How was the séance?”

“Marvelous. Grandma Leanabel says hello,” Talia told him. “She wants us to bring you next time to talk about your love life. She said there’s a person you’ve been seeing in secret. Is that true?”

Of course, Stiles could not contain his gasp upon hearing that Derek’s maternal grandmother knew about their secret relationship. That was some really freaky paranormal shit and no one could blame him for being unable to hide his shock in the face of such discoveries. Unfortunately, that tiny, quiet, not at all dramatic gasp seemed to have given away Stiles’ exact location. _Abort, Abort, Abort._

“Do you have someone here?” He heard another voice say, one that was much deeper than Derek’s, so he assumed was Derek’s father.

“No, Reuben,” Derek said, barely putting any effort into the lie, so of course, his parents became skeptical.

“Who are you hiding in your little teepee, Derek?” Talia asked. When Derek didn’t respond, she demanded, “Get them out, right now.”

Derek huffed, crouching down to the entrance of the fort to give Stiles a reassuring smile, coaxing him out of hiding like he was a scared animal. “It’s okay. They don’t care about anything normal parents are supposed to care about.”

Stiles took a deep breath in then exhaled, rolling out from under the fort and getting up on wobbly knees. He held his hand out blindly for a handshake, face burning as he stared down at the floor trying his best to mind his manners even though he honestly didn’t have any. “Uh hi... Mrs. Hale...Mr. Hale.”

Even though Derek had expressed to him multiple times that his parents were _real-life hippies_ , Stiles hadn’t quite believed him up until this point. And now that he was seeing it for himself, he understood that there had been no exaggeration on Derek’s part. That his parents were most definitely eccentric.

One thing that came as a shock was just how much Derek looked like his mother, possessing her beautiful hazel eyes. Truthfully, she didn’t even look like she could be a mom, so youthful in her appearance. Derek’s father must be a very handsome man to have landed such a gorgeous wife. Although, Stiles wasn’t 100% sure of that because he couldn’t _actually see_ much of Reuben Hale’s face. His long, shaggy light-brown hair and bushy beard covered everything and he looked like a giant hairball with super white teeth. Maybe Talia had fallen in love with his snappy fashion sense because he was definitely rocking those floral bellbottoms.

“No need to be so formal here, love,” Talia said, stepping forward and taking Stiles’ hand between her own. “It’s just Talia and Reuben. And you are?”

“Stiles,” he offered nervously, prepared to give his usual speech for the meaning behind his bizarre nickname.

Talia gasped, eyes lighting up. “Oh, my, what a wonderfully original and creative name!!”

“Indeed!” Reuben chimed in, stroking his overgrown beard.

All in all, Derek’s parents were ridiculously nice people. Too nice even for the situation at hand. Stiles was just so relieved that Derek’s parents didn’t automatically hate him that he started rambling as they made small talk. Unlike most of the people who’ve ever had to endure Stiles’ ramblings, Talia and Reuben didn’t seem to mind, giving no signs that they were annoyed or wanting him to shut up and showing a real interest in Stiles and inquiring to know more about him.

They did as much small-talking as they could before they reached the giant elephant in the room. Talia and Reuben wanted to know more about him and Derek. How they met. When they first knew they liked each other. Etc. etc.

A mortified blush crept up Stiles’ neck the more they asked and Talia grasped Stiles’ hand, saying, “Don’t be embarrassed, moon child. Making love is a natural and beautiful act that has only been derided by society and its ridiculous archaic definitions of the term ‘immorality.’ Not only does the word ‘virginity’ commodify individuals and deems them as damaged goods, but it also perpetuates a heteronormative myth that a penis must enter a vagina, which completely erases the experiences of queer and trans folk. I had hoped that there’d be more progressive teachings on this subject in schools but apparently not.”

She let go of Stiles’ hand with a gentle squeeze, flashing a receptive smile. “Basically, what I’m trying to say, dear, is that it’s a load of bullshit. So, stop thinking about it so much.”

“Oh…um…cool,” Stiles spluttered, looking over at Derek just in time to catch him laughing at Stiles’ stunned response. Stiles couldn’t help it. The world would be a much better place if Talia Hale were president and all followed her wisdom.

Reuben asked, “So, did the two of you use protection? We wouldn't want Stiles here getting pregnant, now would we?”

“Ha Ha. You’re so funny, Reuben,” Derek intoned dryly, rolling his eyes as Reuben laughed boisterously. It seemed hippie dads weren’t immune to awful dad jokes either. “Anyway, Stiles is going home now.”

“What! Why?” Talia frowned.

“Because I’m embarrassed of you guys and I don’t want you scaring him away,” Derek told them as he swiftly ushered Stiles towards the exit, guiding him as he stumbled ungracefully over his own feet.

“Oh, that again!” Talia scoffed. “Really, dear, when will you get over this. At least let me give him one of my handmade dreamcatchers! Wait right there!”

Derek dropped his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. Stiles had to smile a little at how easily frustrated Derek got with his _way_ laid back and chill parents. He was feeling very honored that Derek had given him the chance to meet them and would definitely be getting Talia to show him all of Derek’s embarrassing baby pictures the next time he was over.

“Derek _Andrew_ Hale!!” Talia called sharply from the other room.

 _Andrew._ Derek’s middle name was Andrew. That was so cute! Derek didn’t seem to find it very cute though because as soon as it was said, he immediately paled.

Talia came marching into the room again with the dreamcatcher and something else in hand. She held it up to Derek, revealing his Beacon Hills duffle bag, and shouted, “What is all this, Derek! Have you been eating these poisonous treats? Candy?! Chips?! Have you not read of all the harmful artificial preservatives you are ingesting into your young sprouting body?!”

“Ugh, Talia!” Derek groaned, reaching for the duffle bag and scowling when she kept it away.

Talia looked over her shoulder and asked, “Reuben, what is it that those parents do in the movies where they lock their kids in their room for two weeks?”

“I’m not quite sure, dear,” Reuben said, tugging at his beard in thought. “I believe it’s called being grounded.”

“Yes, that!” Talia swung back to Derek, poking him in the chest with a stern finger. “That’s what you are, young man! Grounded! I’ll be discarding all of these!”

Turning to Stiles, Talia’s face melted into a bright and pleasant smile as she handed him his dreamcatcher and wrapped him up in a big hug. “So lovely meeting you, Stiles. Come back anytime you’d like.”

“Don’t worry, son,” Reuben whispered as Talia marched out of the room, giving Derek a comforting pat on the back before following after his wife. “I’ll sneak them away when she’s not looking. I’ve been _dying_ for a Reese’s Pieces!!”

Once his parents were gone, Derek immediately took Stiles’ hand and physically _dragged_ him from the house, likely with the purpose of keeping Stiles far, far away from his crazy hippie family. The front door swung shut hastily behind them and they both paused for a moment on the porch to take a deep breath and look up at the sky.

It’d been quite the eventful evening. One Stiles was sure to remember. And amidst all the nerves, confusion, and craziness, Stiles was pretty happy with how it turned out, wondering if Derek thought the same. He slipped closer to Derek who was glaring up at the sky, an agitated line formed between his brows, and decided to kiss that frown right off his face. Derek gave no protests to his method and just pulled Stiles even closer, wrapping his arms around his waist.

“I’m sorry I got you in trouble,” Stiles murmured, fidgeting with his dreamcatcher as he leaned his forehead against Derek’s.

“It’s fine. She’ll probably forget what being grounded means again anyways so it’s not really affecting me.” Derek huffed. “I’ve just never seen her that mad.”

Stiles threw his head back and laughed, gazing at Derek incredulously. “That was her mad? My Dad is ten times worse!” Stiles reneged, “Not that you’ll meet him. Ever.”

“No fair. You meet my insane parents. I get to meet your dad.”

“Fine,” Stiles sighed, not at all looking forward to it. If Derek knew better, he wouldn’t be looking forward to it either. “But be prepared for a tough interrogation and a light frisking.”

Derek smiled widely, leaning in for another kiss even though he knew Stiles needed to be getting into his car and racing back home to make curfew. He groaned, letting himself get lost in it for a bit before pulling away to be the responsible one. Derek followed him down the steps to the Jeep to say goodbye and when Stiles got in the car and started it, Derek tapped on the window, indicating for Stiles to roll it down.

“Hey, on Monday, if I see you in the hallway and kiss you hello, is that okay?” Derek asked over the loud engine.

Stiles rolled his eyes as he clicked his seatbelt in. “Yes. That’s totally fine.”

“You won’t be embarrassed to be seen with a dumb jock?” Derek raised a brow.

“Maybe a little bit. This could seriously ruin my reputation, you know,” Stiles teased. “What about you? You embarrassed to be seen with a huge dork?”

“Nope. Never.” Derek said then cleared his throat, projecting his stern teacher voice. “I’ll see you Monday, Mr. Stilinski. And don’t be late, or detention for at least a year.”

* * *

Monday morning at school wasn’t different from any other Monday morning at school, only now their big secret was out. Stiles couldn’t even begin to explain how unbelievably good it felt to finally be able to make out with Derek in the halls without having to worry about who might be there to see them. Sneaking around had been fun for a while but Stiles was more than ready to have them out in the open.

It was all so foreign at first. When Derek had tried to kiss Stiles hello in front of his friends, Stiles had almost punched him away out of old habit. But by mid-afternoon, they’d gotten the hang of it, at least enough to be pressed up against Derek’s locker making out in a crowded hallway with their minds completely blank. They were able to take their time, move slow and unhurried instead of the anxious frenzied stolen kisses that they’d had before. It was bliss.

There was one downside to this new way of living, however. _How the hell were they supposed to stop?_ Before, any random stranger walking by was an alarm to separate and scatter away like headless chickens. But they no longer had to pay any mind to those concerns, so who’s to say that they couldn’t just lean up against Derek’s locker and make out all the livelong day? No one, that’s who.

“Stilinski! Hale! Break it up you two!” Coach Finstock hollered down the hall into a megaphone, causing them both to startle badly and jump apart.

Ah, so Coach Finstock had some usefulness after all.

“Too much of that can be a bad thing, you know!” Finstock shouted again into the megaphone as they gathered their things and headed off to class holding hands. “I’m just saying use proper precautions! We wouldn’t want Stilinski getting pregnant now, would we?!”

 _Nope_ , definitely. They wouldn’t want that.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the mod for doing such a great job on the sterek summer exchange event!
> 
> subscribe to my [ao3](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jadore_hale/profile) for more of my fics! follow my [tumblr](http://jadorehale.tumblr.com/) or my [twitter](http://twitter.com/jadore_hale/) for explicit post about porn and pizza. (this is totally false advertising)


End file.
